When Things Feel Heavy; Three Steps for Working Through It
You know those times…
When life just seems really hard. Like every little thing weighs heavy on your soul. It takes everything you have just to get out of bed and the day drags on until you just don’t care anymore. It’s a little like being in survival mode…just doing the bare minimum to keep yourself and anyone around you that you’re responsible for alive!
I know this feeling well. It’s like a heavy, heavy weight has been placed on my back and everything feels like it’s moving slow motion through sludge and misery. Sometimes it’s brought on by a single event and sometimes it’s just this realization that I’ve been staying strong long enough and it’s time to let it all …fall …down.
I used to hide in the pain. I used to let it consume me and wallow in it and I let it be my excuse not to show up in my life the way I otherwise might have. It even felt comfortable in a way…like, oh there you are old friend. I was wondering when you’d return. And then I’d talk about how hard this feeling was and how horrible it felt and I’d go on and on about all the things I “could” be doing if these dreadful emotions weren’t getting in my way. (This was usually a conversation I had in my own head, in case you were wondering).
The funny thing about life coaching is that while it’s technically an unregulated profession, the truth is that I’ve never seen another group of people put so much time, energy and effort into making sure that they are constantly up-leveling…whether it’s themselves, their beliefs, their skills…when you have to actually go out and sell yourself…you really need to be able to show up and stand behind what you do 100% and if you’ve got
shit you haven’t worked out in your own life then you have blind spots…those are areas that you CANNOT help someone else if you haven’t healed your own issues.
So, I had to get good at working through my “baggage” and this can really bring some tough stuff to the surface and I had to learn how to work through it…I had to learn how to get through the dark days authentically, truthfully and completely. No BS. I take my job so, so seriously. I learned a lot during this time…about myself…about what it meant to be honest with myself…and about just how hard “transformation” can be sometimes.
But, I also learned how to get through the heavy days when whatever is going on in our lives is different from how we wish it was.
Here’s what I came up with:
- Support Yourself Where You Are…What does this mean? First of all, you can’t BS yourself here…what’s bothering you? Jealous of someone but don’t want to admit it? Angry that your mom doesn’t love you more? Feeling like you got a raw deal and you’re miserable about it? Sometimes we don’t want to admit when we feel something that’s not viewed as “socially acceptable” and other times we try to hide our truth from ourselves because our brain thinks we’re safer that way…but we HAVE to be honest with ourselves about where we are and what we are feeling and WHY as much as possible!
- Once we create an awareness of where we are and what we’re dealing with, then we have to accept it for whatever it is and just love ourselves for whoever we are and wherever we are IN THAT MOMENT. No qualifiers…no, yeah but’s (yeah but if I were better, smarter, more positive, savvier, further along….). CALL YOURSELF OUT IN ALL YOUR RAW, UGLY, UNCOMFORTABLE, EMOTIONAL TRUTH AND OWN THAT SHIT WITH LOVE! You deserve nothing less, no matter what!
- Then and only then do you get to take a big deep breath and say…OK, this is where I am, I see it, I accept it and I OWN it and I LOVE MYSELF FOR IT…now…what’s next?
And here is where you get to decide where do you want to be? Where do you WANT to go with this? YOU GET TO DECIDE! No one else, only you. Visualize it! Imagine yourself as the stronger, more empowered version of you. What does she look like? How does she feel? How does she show up in the world? How does she talk and treat others and treat herself?
And start showing up as her. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. Use the energy you gained when you stopped resisting where you were to fuel your passion for becoming the next best version of you! It’s amazing how much of our pain and confusion is simply a result of resisting our acceptance of where we are…of just accepting ourselves and loving ourselves in the moment…especially those painful moments when all we want is to be someone else. But, when we turn in and love that part of us all of a sudden we feel comforted and what felt so hard before doesn’t feel so hard anymore.
What do you guys do when life get’s tough? I’d love to hear from you! If you try this let us know how it worked for you!
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Are you having more heavy days than you would like? Want to find out if coaching could be the difference between just getting through each day and living a life you absolutely LOVE?? Click below if you’d like to schedule a free transformation breakthrough session to learn if coaching is the next best step for you!