Healing the Separation Wound
By: Kara Gilsenan
(Continuing my shares about my recent dark-night-of-the-soul, which you can read about HERE)
When you choose to see depression through a spiritual lens…it really shifts the narrative. I know what depression looks like when you have not yet remembered that you are a Soul first. As a teenager and in my early 20’s I experienced severe depression and it was a lot more lonely, destructive and hopeless feeling…not that I didn’t feel those things this time around…but I knew somewhere deep down that there was a bigger truth that desired to come through.
Sometimes that knowing felt more painful than the emotions I was experiencing as it so contradicted my current reality.
But, I had to let go of my desperate grip on everything and plunge into the nothing in order to heal myself at the deepest core level.
My ego and my brain wanted answers…
- Why was this happening?
- What exactly was happening?
- Was I supposed to be in this dense, dark space or had something gone terribly wrong?
I knew the answers were all supposed to be about Unconditional Love and all of the usual Soul Truths that I believe and used to teach about so often…
- You’re right where you are supposed to be.
- All of this is happening for you.
- You cannot get this wrong.
- You are enough, you are worthy, you are loved.
But I still found myself constantly questioning if I was completely fkg up this Earth mission…
Here’s what wisdom I’ve gained now that I’m out of the black cloud…
I was in deep healing of my separation wound from Source.
I was guided to let go of my work, remove myself from most of my social circles and activities, detox like crazy, spend all my time on me, my family and my home…lots of energy clearing and decluttering, our dishwasher even broke and is still broken and doing the dishes for a family of six takes hours a day friends. hours. But, all of this was divinely designed to bring my focus to my present moments so in those moments I could recognize my own unhealthy patterns as well as reclaim a deep gratitude for life, my life, exactly as it is (this took time and was experienced in fleeting moments at first but now happens more and more)
I had a deep separation wound, as I believe we all do simply by being born in the human experience.
By choosing to forget where we came from, we mistakenly believe that we are separate from Love (God/Source/Universe/Everything) we start looking outside of ourselves to fill in the cracks of where our hearts have broken over this illusion. I knew that I could not find the comfort I desired from anywhere other than within my own being because it was the shattered pieces of my Soul that I needed to gather up and patiently and lovingly tend to reconnecting each one, broken shard by broken shard.
By piecing myself back together, according to the original blueprint, not according to what society has told me is correct, I now find myself void of certain triggers that plagued me before.
I am now finding that in moments that would normally test me, I feel safe, I feel confident that things will work out…it’s like…of course they will! It might not look the way my brain anticipated it would but that just doesn’t bother me as much as it used to because I can FEEL my eternal timelines…the saying…you only get one shot…not true (as is the case with SOOOO many saying we are taught)
We are infinite!
That can feel overwhelming to our Human, but to our Soul it’s just how it is and I can FEEL that truth and it feels like Home.
Our separation wounds are connected to everything…
Love, money, how we get to spend our time and energy, relationships, how we treat our bodies, believing we are not safe, we cannot have what we desire, there’s not enough (insert love, money, food etc)…
We live lives based on these illusions because we are Human and have forgotten our truth but also because that is what we are programmed to believe…when we believe we are separate from the Source of all creation we can easily be programmed with fear…fear of everything…and it overwhelms our nervous system and slowly destroys the Human in a million different ways…
And keeps us disconnected from our Hearts.
The portal that can lead us home.
Healing your perceived separation from Source, feels like coming home, like you are safe and everything is ok…no matter what it looks like to the Human.
But in order to get here…you also have to be willing to see yourself. ALL of yourself. And this includes the parts that splintered off due to trauma and programming and your ego believes that these separate parts of you need to exist in order to keep you safe.
They are tricky, often hidden and very, very painful to look at.
And we all have them (or else we’d probably be vibrating in a different dimension)
I know that I have healed certain aspects, pieced them back together, and I am more whole than I’ve ever been. I can also feel where I still have more work to do…and that’s ok.
We have access to this Healing, we have access to this remembering but it takes practice and patience.
I hope that these snap shots of my journey can help shed light on your own and activate the deep remembering of your beautiful bright light that is trying to break free!
Much Love,
Kara 